Four Sabotaging Voices and How to Deal with Them
Today we’re discussing four of the sabotaging voices and how to deal with them. You might be waiting to take that first scary step into God’s calling for your life. However, these voices keep pulling back into your safe zone. I’m here to stand next to you and help you lift your foot and set it down. We, your friends, family, people you meet in the grocery store, those who will be positively impacted by that step, need you to take it. I know how hard it is. I know how powerful your inner-saboteurs can be. Today we’re going to identify four sabotaging voices and how to deal with them. At the end we will discuss the two vital keys needed for fighting off these sometimes incessant thoughts.
The Bully
The bully is prevalent voice that takes up residence in most of our brains at some point. This is the voice that doesn’t hide how mean it is. This voice tells us that we’re not ______ enough. It’s the voice that hurls insults at us. This voice is a conglomeration of all of the mean things that have ever been said to us. It doesn’t stop there though.
If someone told us that we act a little frazzled then we take that statement and run with it. It becomes a giant inner bully telling us that we’re too disorganized, too spacey, to flighty, too much of all of the wrong things. The Bully loves to point out everything we do wrong and make sure we know it’s our fault. The bully creates a damn to block grace from entering into our thought life. It picks at us and knocks us when we’re down.
How to deal with The Bully: The Bully is like all bullies. It's a big meanie trying to mask inner fear and insecurity. In dealing with my own bully, I pictured myself hanging a "NO BULLYING ZONE" inside my brain, just like the ones you see in school. Another way to deal with the bully is to understand that it's coming from a part of you that needs deep love, compassion and grace. This is the part of you that's built up a thick armor. It might take time to loosen that armor. When you' are've addressing this part of you, sit up straight in your seat and hold your chin up. Get yourself into a more confident physical position and say to this inner bully, "I know that you're feeling really insecure right now, but this is not how we're going to speak. These words are not allowed in my thoughts."
The Patronizer
The Patronizer is the longest standing saboteur in my thoughts, and the one I’ve struggle the most to kick out. I still receive a lot of coaching around this voice. This is the voice that says, “OOooohhhh, look at yooouuuu, aren’t you adorable! You with your cute little business idea. That’s ssssooooo cute!” This voice downplays everything you do and treats you like a child. This is the voice that makes you feel foolish for wanting to pursue something. This is the voice that can be cloaked in encouragement but is reeking with disdain and disregard.
How to deal with The Patronizer: This is the voice that wants to keep you small and childish. This voice feels a lot like the bully but is dripping with a syrupy sweetness that hits a sour note. When you're dealing with this inner saboteur it's important to go back to God's promise for your life. God meant for us to be childlike in our faith but only so that we can live it out in bold and empowered ways. Tell this voice that you are confident that God is equipping and empowering you for this calling. You know that He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called and you step out boldly into that calling. Again, straighten your shoulders and lift your chin. You will not be taken down by the patronizer.
The Worrier
This voice points out everything that could possibly go wrong and blows it out of proportion. This is the voice that tells you you’ll be shamed by millions if you have a spelling error on your blog. It’s the voice that makes sure you know that if you say something embarrassing on Instagram live, you’ll never recover from it. Not only that, but it points to all of the ways that your next step could literally kill you. It’s the voice that wants to keep you safe and small, avoiding risks at all cost.
How to deal with The Worrier: The worrier is the part of your brain designed to protect you at all costs. Unfortunately, this section of your brain has a hard time discerning between 'posting on Instagram' and 'running from a lion.' This voice comes from the part of you that God designed to keep you safe. It's a necessary, but sometimes misguided voice. If you're running from a tornado or a mountain lion, you want this voice screaming at you to run faster. If you're gearing up to fill out your resume for the job God's called you to, you prefer that this voice stays silent. Many coaches say that the best way to deal with this voice is to 'parent' it. This is the time to say to this part of you, "It's okay to feel scared. The unknown is always scary. We know that God will give us the grace we need for the experiences we'll face when we face them, and not a second sooner. Right now, I'm feeling all of the worry and fear with none of the grace that I would receive if this terrible thing actually happens. It's time to trust in the goodness of God."
The Should-er
Ugh, this voice. This is the one that ‘shoulds’ all over you. “You should make sure the house is pristine before you sit down to work on your calling.” “Shouldn’t you wait until your kids move out of the house to acknowledge you even have a calling outside of your family?” “I think you should wait until you’re the ‘right size,’ have the ‘right clothes’ and the ‘right hair.” “You shouldn’t even want to do this thing. It just shows how ungrateful you are!” This voice comes with an angry, judgmental face and wants you to know that you should never take this step because there are other things you ‘should’ be doing.
This voice is a trickster because it will distract you from the work you’re created to do with a false idea of what you ‘should’ do. This voice kills creativity and ingenuity. This is the voice that wants to keep you in a neat little box.
How to deal with The Should-er: Like The Worrier, there is an aspect of this voice that is beneficial. It would be a tragedy to pursue a dream but entirely neglect your family. We do need to keep certain things in focus so that we don't lose sight of what's important in our lives. However, this is the voice that tends to heap burdens onto your shoulders to carry alone and keep you from your calling. It's the voice that will keep you from delegating tasks, teaching your family to be more self-sufficient. It's the voice that forbids you from asking for help. That's why it's important to be extremely proactive when you're talking to this voice. Sometimes it's useful to make a list of all of the things that 'should' get done, and ask the Holy Spirit for creative ways to tackle them in a way that leaves room for the other work He's calling you to do. You might be shocked by the ideas He puts in your head. He will also reveal which burdens you can lay down or give to others so that you have more space for your calling. He does not give us a calling and make it impossible to pursue it.
Now that we’ve discussed four sabotaging voices and how to deal with them, we’re going to cover two more vital steps. These steps are crucial for dealing with our inner saboteur. These two steps are to listen to God’s voice and ask for His help. It’s simple, but can be difficult. It’s sometimes tempting to listen to the saboteur over God, especially when it seems like the saboteur in our thoughts is making valid points.
Listen to God’s Voice
With all of these voices, and more, vying for our attention it’s really hard to listen for God’s voice. The noise is overwhelming and distracting. It’s frustrating when God seems silent. You might get frustrated and even angry when someone tells you to listen to God’s voice because He doesn’t seem to speak as clearly to you as He does to other people.
You need to know that He’s speaking to you too. He speaks to you in the the way that your heart needs. Sometimes it will be an inner voice, an inner sense, a feeling in your fingers or toes. It could be a podcast episode or a line from a book. Maybe your friend says something and it sparks something inside you. It could be a scene in nature that clears out your thoughts for a moment. Maybe it’s a conversation with your coach, your priest, or a parent. His voice comes in a million forms.
The way to hear God’s voice is through curiosity. Remaining in a state of curiosity will open your heart up to those little moments that are easy to overlook.
Ask God to Help You
As you listen for God’s voice, it’s important to ask Him for Help. Ask him to teach you how to face these sabotaging voices and how to deal with them. God made you. Jesus knows how you’re wired and it’s no surprise to Him that you have these struggles. Take your struggles to Jesus. Ask Him to guide you in your thoughts and give you the grace you need to fight against them. You will need to ask for His grace every day and He will be faithful. God has been thinking about your life’s purpose since before the beginning of time and He can’t wait to see you live it out.
The World Needs You to Take the Scary Step
I want to go back to what I said at the beginning. I know that your next step is scary, maybe even terrifying. It’s very tempting to bury it back in your sock drawer and wait for ‘the perfect day’ to pull it back out and start on it. Please fight that temptation. There is a person out there, right this minute, who is waiting for you to fulfill your calling because you have what they need. Don’t keep it to yourself. Pursuing God’s call on your life is an act of radical charity and love for God and people. I promise that you will never regret doing what God put you on this earth to do.
I hope that this was helpful to you today as we discussed four sabotaging voices and how to deal with them. It’s exciting to think of you taking these next steps. You’re about to set the world on fire with God’s love, one small step at a time. If you need extra support, make sure to read Jen Fulwiler’s book, Your Blue Flame. This book was really helpful to me on my own journey to discovering God’s purpose for me.
Connect With Me – I’m here to cheer you on
If you would like some support in navigating your next steps, I would love to connect with you. Schedule an hour with me and we will focus on your next steps and how to get from here to there. Your first call, the consultation, is absolutely free and packed full of value because we’ll get really clear about what you are meant to do and the first step you need to take toward it.
Friend, I can’t wait to see what you do with this one great life you’ve been given. Whether it’s welcoming in a group of young moms through your warmth and hospitality, creating a book club for older adults who need connection or pursuing your call to become a lawyer, I’m here for all of it. You have important work to do and I’m excited to cheer you on. Please make sure to send me an email and share the step you’ve taken this week toward living out God’s calling in your life.
