How to Prepare Your Child for PCS Season
With summer fast approaching we’re going to focus on how to prepare your child for PCS Season. Even if you’re not the one moving this summer, PCS season can have a big impact as you say good-bye to friends and welcome in new ones. It’s a good idea to start gathering a few emotional tools to help get you and your children through this hard season.
Tool #1 – Put yourself on the calendar
Our kids need to sense that we’re okay in order to feel secure. It’s necessary to ensure that you are taking care of yourself. It’s impossible to keep up with everything during a move, but one thing that needs to stay a priority is your well-being. We tend to fall for the lie that says that we’re serving our family if we neglect ourselves. The opposite is true. Your family needs you to be well, not just physically but spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Putting your care and your needs on the calendar and the to-do list will keep you energized enough to support and care for your family. I’ve also created a free 1 hour retreat guide to help you take some intentional time to rest.
Tool #2 – Repeat the phrase, “Feelings are normal and good”
During a hard season you will likely notice more outbursts and big feelings from your kids. Most aren’t able to say “I’m feeling really scared right now because I don’t know if I’ll be able to make a new best friend after my best friend moves away.” Instead, they tend to say it in other ways. Maybe they’ll refuse to do the dishes, or slam the door when you say it’s time to clean their room. We have our own emotional moments when we’re under a lot of stress. We might have a shorter fuse and less patience than normal.
As parents we set the boundaries around behavior. We teach our kids that certain behavior is not allowed in the home. At the same time, you can create a safe space for your children to feel their big feelings. Often, our kids will amp up because fear, insecurity, confusion and grief all get piled onto their hearts and they don’t know how to handle the weight of it all. When your child is upset, set next to them and ask if they want you to stay with them while they feel their big feelings. Knowing they aren’t alone will help them feel safe and secure.
What are some ways that you create safety around feelings in your home? Share in the comments below!
Tool #3 – Become the anchor
Our kids need to hear, “I’ve got you. I’m here for you and we’re going to be okay.” You are their anchor in the midst of upheaval. They look to you to determine whether or no they’re going to be alright. When you’re feeling unsure yourself, tell them! “I’m feeling nervous about this move too, but we’re together in this and I’ve got you.”
One simple way to remember to reassure your kids is to set a reminder on your phone or add it to your checklist. We want to make this easy for ourselves, and physical reminders can be a helpful tool. You can also post sticky notes on your kids’ bathroom mirror telling them that you’re in this together and you’re a team.
Our family likes to yell, “Go team Heider!” anytime we feel like we’ve tackled something. It could be as small as getting to Mass on time or as major as a cross country move. That feeling of being on a team is another way that we anchor our kids.
Tool #4 – Remember we are all human beings, not ‘human doings’
When I feel overwhelmed by my to-do list it’s easy to become a bit robotic and get locked in to checking off tasks. We tend to want to feel a sense of control over our environment so we like to focus on tangible things, like making sure the kitchen is as organized as possible for the packers.
Preparing our hearts for a move is just as important as preparing our homes. One simple way to do this is to create a touchstone part of your day for connection. Some ideas include family meals, daily walks, family game nights, trips for ice cream, or snuggling on the couch for a movie.
The time you spend connecting as a family in midst of the craziness of a PCS will give you a strong foundation to begin your new life at your next duty station.
Tool #5 – You and your kids are made for greatness, and greatness is found in this moment
Saying good-bye is hard. Being left behind by close friends hurts your heart. Uprooting your life over and over is painful. It wears on our souls and can leave us feeling depleted. We don’t feel great when everything is upside down. When we’re PCSing we are operating on little sleep and greatness seems elusive.
Yet, this moment is a moment of greatness.
Greatness is sacrificing for your country by giving up your old life for a new duty station.
Greatness is stopping to hug your kids and reassure them, even when you feel unsure and scared.
Greatness is putting your wellbeing on your to-do list so that you can press forward and build a new life for your family in yet another new place.
Greatness is welcoming the new neighbor with an open heart, even as your heart aches for the one who just left.
These little moments seem inconsequential because we do them over and over. Yet each one is a moment of great courage. Each one is a moment of greatness.
Take courage, dear heart. You’ve got this. I’m praying for you and as you make these tough transitions.
If you want help preparing your own heart for this next PCS season, contact me for a free consultation call. We are not meant to walk through the struggles of life alone. I’m here to help you navigate your own thoughts and feelings so that you can move forward in living the life God meant for you to live.
For more help in preparing for this PCS Season, I’ve included a list of helpful links below.
