Why you need a Family Priority Meeting
In today’s post we’re talking about why you need to implement a Family Priority Meeting with your spouse, especially as a military couple. You will hear how we learned about this tool and how it can bring more peace to your marriage. In the next post you will learn more about the nuts and bolts of holding your own family priority meeting.
Do you get frustrated when you try to discuss important family topics with your spouse? Does it feel like you’re not on the same page? Are you met with resistence every time you want to figure out a family issue? If so, then it’s time to implement the Family Priority Meeting.
Why we implemented this concept in our home
My husband and I first heard this concept discussed in a webinar taught by Mike and Alicia Hernon of The Messy Family Project. They shared how a book titled “The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family” by Patrick Lencioni changed their marriage and their family through the concept of having regular planning meetings as a couple. We immediately bought the audiobook and started listening to it. This was the key to solving some of our communication issues.
Our problem was that there were no boundaries around these important conversations. Because I was the stay at home spouse, I was aware of issues that came up and I’d want to discuss them. My husband also wanted to discuss important issues, but he wanted a heads-up first. I misinterpreted this need for prior notification as a lack of interest and concern. I was frustrated that he didn’t seem to want to talk about issues and he was frustrated that I was randomly springing them on him.
We also struggled with finding time to discuss important family issues. My husband worked a lot and travelled often. Finding time is difficult under normal circumstances but military life adds a whole new challenge.
The family priority meeting can solve many of these issues.**
The purpose of the family priority meeting
Planning your Family Priority Meetings creates a container for important topics and conversations. You both know what to expect during that time together. You each show up ready to share issues, ideas, concerns, and input. You’ll bring your calendars and notebooks, ready to get on the same page with your schedules and plans. You’ll be able to work more closely as a team. By setting a time limit for the meeting, you will be more efficient in your discussions and figure out solutions more quickly.
In his book, Lencioni shares that it’s vital that you create a family mission statement, or ‘rallying cry.’ The family mission statement is an umbrella for all other decisions. He also discusses setting time-bound priorities and objectives. The beauty of this process is that you get to make a decision once and let that decision guide future decisions for that day, week, quarter, and year.
Priorities in action
This is what it looks like in action. One summer we decided that one of our family priorities for that quarter was to have as much fun as possible. Because of that priority, it was easy to make the decision to buy a membership to our local amusement and water parks. We centered our summer around making time to go there. There was a never a question around putting our money toward other things, like updating furniture, because furniture wasn’t our objective. We didn’t wonder whether we should spend the weekend doing extensive house projects because our priority was having fun as a family. When that quarter was over and we needed to start planning for our upcoming move we shifted our objectives toward prepping our home to sell.
All of this was under the umbrella of our family mission statement, or rallying cry. This family mission statement, which is unique to each family, is an opportunity to get very clear about your family’s values. It will be different than any other family mission statement. You will want to approach this process with a lot of prayer. Ask for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. He has formed your family for a purpose and He wants to help you understand your purpose more fully. You can also ask for the intercession of the saints. Perhaps you’ll choose a patron saint for your family to include in your family mission statement.
You’ll experience more peace
Knowing your priorities and objectives, under the umbrella of your family mission statement, will take a lot of the angst out of decision making. When you know that for this quarter, your priorities are to do house projects, enroll in sports, and spend time in nature, it’s easy to say ‘no’ to a couple’s culinary arts class. The next quarter, when your objectives include going on more romantic dates, you can say ‘yes’ to the couples culinary arts class. You make a decision one time, at the beginning of the month or quarter, that will guide all future decisions. You feel more peaceful knowing that you and your spouse are on the same page about how to spend your resources.
Become a Mission Minded Military Family
As military families, we are intimately familiar with the idea of ‘mission,’ yet many of us struggle to carry that idea into our families. Having a family priority meeting and setting a family mission statement might be just the key your family needs to unlock deeper connection and belonging.
** Disclaimer – this process will not work in situations where abuse, adultery, addiction, and severe mental illness are present. In those cases, please focus first on safety and healing.
